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Because people do not know, and because talking about death makes people nervous and awkward, the shiva house often turns into a festive gathering filled with nervous chatter, instead of the proper house of mourning.

The laws of mourning have the purpose of focusing a person on their own spirituality.

And just as one can take from a flame to light more candles without diminishing the original flame, so too a person can give of him/herself, touching many lives, without ever being diminished.

The wick and the flame are also compared to the body and soul, and the strong bond between them.

When you look at the candle, remember that your loved one's soul is eternal.

This thought can help bring light into the darkness in which you are now immersed.

We experience an overall feeling of physical discomfort as we totally focus on the soul of the one who has departed.

Ideally all of the direct mourners sit shiva in the house of the deceased, for it says, "Where a person lived, there does his spirit continue to dwell." Thus the presence of the person who has passed away is strongest in his own home. Particularly, a home of one of the direct mourners will be filled with the spirit of the loved one who is now gone.

From the time of death until the conclusion of the funeral, the primary focus and concern is on the care of the deceased and the burial preparations.

The care for the departed before burial, the eulogy, the actual burial – all are done to honor the one who has died, and not to comfort the mourners.

Others must take care of any errands or outside commitments for them.

To be seen during the day in public would force one to put on a "public face" which is inappropriate during this time.




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