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It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship. There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship: first, passion; the urgency of reproductive sex; snatched sex in the early years of parenthood; then the slower intimacy of midlife onwards.But our culture presents only one type as being valid: youthful, vigorous, usually penetrative.It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world.Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be. Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster.

We tend to jump in with an opinion before we’ve heard each other out.David Waters is a couples counsellor and faculty member of The School of Life, where he teaches classes including 'How to Communicate Better in Love’ Be able to reveal vulnerability, even if it feels daunting.When we start a relationship we like to feel in control, powerful even – to protect ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with opening up to a lover.We all make mistakes, particularly in our love-lives, as relationships are never easy.But if you can exercise forgiveness in small ways at the start of a love affair then you’re more likely to find ways to forgive the bigger hurts and transgressions, if and when they happen. There are good rows and bad rows but make no mistake – everybody argues.

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